I think having to say goodbye to my loved ones is what started my realization. I'm not one for crying, but I definitely shed some tears driving back to Mukilteo after saying goodbye to my Bellingham friends. Some of whom I will probably never see again. I know that it sounds stupid and cliche to tell you all how I cried on my drive home, in the rain no less, while belting along with Taylor Swift, but trust me, this is not something I do very often. When I cry, I mean it.
So many people have come into my life and leaving them-if only temporarily-has turned out to be quite traumatic. I've made some tight bonds with some beautiful people this year. People that I see still being around far into my future. Even though most of these goodbyes are temporary, they are still painful. Some of these goodbyes, however, will be for much longer. I will not have the summer to enjoy times with my friends that are graduating and moving on with their lives, and this breaks my heart. I really might not ever see them again. Honestly, that terrifies me.
And then the Mukilteo goodbyes. I won't get to spend the summer with my best friend as I have done for years, and I will be away from my family for longer than I ever have before. I know that they are all so happy that I have this amazing opportunity, but I wish I could bring them all along with me. I will miss them with all that I am.
But that's enough sad stuff. I'm going to South Africa tomorrow. I will be building houses. I will be zip lining through jungles. I will be interning in a non-profit that is making a real difference in a population that needs them. I will going on a freaking safari. I'll be bungee jumping off of a bridge higher than the space needle. I will be doing countless other things that I don't even know about yet that will be wonderful, exciting, and life altering. That being said, I have decided to set some goals out for myself on this trip. And I thought I would share them on the internet. Because, hey, dosen't everyone want to know my inner thoughts?
1. Be in the moment.
There are so many things that I could distact me during this trip. I will be so ridiculously homesick, but I know the ones that love me would not want to wasting time thinking about how much I miss them when I'm living it up in South Africa. They would want me to really experience what's happening as it's happening. They will be waiting with open arms when I get back.
2. Bungee jump.
I am terrified of heights. But I will have a chance to jump off of a bridge higher than the space needle. When will that ever happen again?!
3. Don't cover up what I'm feeling.
There's going to be a lot of heavy stuff on this trip. I tend to run from heavy feelings. I usually cover them up as to not get in to way of anyone else. I don't want to do this anymore. My class will be my support group. They need me to need them, as much as I need to be there for them.
4. See a lion.
If I don't see a lion on this safari, I'm going to be quite upset.
5. Make connections.
Not only with my classmates, but with those in the community. I want to really help this community, and I cannot do that without getting to know those who inhabit it.
6. Take enough showers.
I recently heard that there are huge spiders in the showers where we are staying. I don't do spiders. But showers are very necessary.
7. Learn about non-profits.
I want to start up my own non-profit. This trip is giving me an opportunity to work in a grassroots non-profit organization. What I learn here will really help me accomplish this goal later in life.
8. Have fun.
This seems simple, but sometimes we all need a reminder.
9. Be open to change.
Change is scary. This trip has the potential to change so many things about me. I don't want to shut that out.
10. Watch a sunrise. And a sunset.
South Africa is beautiful. And what is more beautiful than the colors of the sun rising and setting?
So to sum it all up, this is a huge trip for me, and I am scared. I am so scared, but I'm not going to let that stop me. In the words of the ever wise Anis Mojgani,
"So grab the world by its clothes pins
And shake it out again, and again
And jump on top and take it for a spin
And when you hop off, shake it again
For this is yours
Make my words worth something
Make this not just another poem that I write
Make it like its heavy about us all
And walk into it, breathe it in
Let it crash through the halls of your arms
Like the millions of years, of millions of poets
Coursing like blood
Pumping and pushing, making you live
Shaking the dust
So when the world knocks at your front door
Clutch the knob tightly, and open on up
Run forward into its wide spread greeting arms
With your hands before you
Your fingertips trembling
Though they may be"
My fingertips are trembling. But that won't stop me :)
"So grab the world by its clothes pins
And shake it out again, and again
And jump on top and take it for a spin
And when you hop off, shake it again
For this is yours
Make my words worth something
Make this not just another poem that I write
Make it like its heavy about us all
And walk into it, breathe it in
Let it crash through the halls of your arms
Like the millions of years, of millions of poets
Coursing like blood
Pumping and pushing, making you live
Shaking the dust
So when the world knocks at your front door
Clutch the knob tightly, and open on up
Run forward into its wide spread greeting arms
With your hands before you
Your fingertips trembling
Though they may be"
My fingertips are trembling. But that won't stop me :)
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